Social Anxiety Disorder Evolution

social-anxiety

As with my previous post, where I elaborated on my mental health according to each decade, here, I will go over how my social anxiety disorder came to be.

It began in college when I sought my Bachelor’s degree, which included numerous presentations, speech coursework, and one Acting class. I don’t remember why I chose that elective instead of the other options. In acting, I liked the preparatory exercises each day, and the journaling to the instructor assignments, but the acting itself was a genuine hardship. King Lear and Steel Magnolias scenes were my midterm and final. Oh my god, it’s difficult to even recollect.

With King Lear, I had an angst-ridden, class-skipping cohort which left me in the lurch during on-stage practice sessions where the instructor filled in for him. However, I don’t know if that perfunctory student was worse than an acting major with a precisionist pace that led to palpable Steel Magnolia scene rehearsals. I spent moments in the restroom beforehand, popping Xanax to allow me the assertiveness to complement her rigorous retention of detail, dramatic capability, and goal.

Speech class was about as negative an experience as Acting class turned out to be. I received A’s in both, but it didn’t come without permanent damage to my psyche. During my first three minute speech on day one of that class, others comforted me out by the college commons cafe during break and telling me that “it will get better and easier,” which never happened. Apparently, I shook so much that my fellow students thought I’d faint. The spontaneous speech, and subsequent interview from my peers, found me racing home to bed to quell my nerves, almost bringing about a psychotic break, and I’m not using hyperbole. My final was a tribute to my (foster) dad that raised me, maintained the lengthy ten-minute minimum delivery, and hit all the requisite buttons. But again, not without damage to my mental health.

social anxiety disorder evolution

After those courses, I withdrew from groups, except for the Center for Spirituality and Healing classes, where I gave many performances, but only because after getting to know the other classmates did I realize they had experiences or issues in their lives that were only slightly below mine. Those classes taught me that everybody has anxiety, everybody has regrets, and that everybody has negative memories that carry within themselves.

But outside of those courses, I shielded myself from the world, choosing instead of at the front of the class, in the back, which allowed for a smooth departure. In between classes, I’d sit in the commons at Moos Tower, where I’d nurse a vanilla cooler for hours by myself in the corner. Classmates would wave, but I’d pretend I didn’t see them and instead hide my nose in a book.

Then with work, I became an independent contractor, thereby allowing others to do the hands-on tasks which demanded social interaction. Those around me learned of my behavior and assisted me in the sense that they made excuses for my absence or lack of participation even better than I could’ve come up with each time. I learned to better hide my anxiety from their input. Most of them didn’t know then or don’t even remember now the extent of my mental illness, only sufficing to describe me as quirky. Whatever the cause or reasoning, I’ve found that it isn’t for the best and need to continuously challenge my obstacles and limits.

Mental Illness Struggles by Decade

mental health

In my twenties, after getting over the years of low self-esteem in my adolescence, which came about through parenting and realizing what really matters in life, I noticed changes first in college seeking my Associate’s degree. I began thinking someone followed me throughout my days and into the night. Paranoia also set in big time. The voices and hallucinations started slowly and, at that time, were indecipherable. Did I know something was wrong? Yes. However, I knew I couldn’t remain married to an alcoholic any longer and filed for divorce while my four children were preschool age. With that came worries about custody, so I kept my illness to myself.

The thirties brought security in my relationship in the form of Robert. I knew I’d met the love of my life and didn’t want to lose him. My jealousy turned into hallucinations, which I felt a subsequent loss of control with as days progressed. This brought about disagreements and strife. Custody issues permeated my thoughts. So I kept my illness to myself. I’d returned to college for drafting, as well as the goal of a Bachelor’s degree.

During my forties, I was deep in hallucinations. Any anxiety brought about a deeper delve into madness. This also was the start of social anxiety disorder. I think that came roughly due to the fear of being found out. I started taking more online classes for the generals. I only stepped foot in a classroom if it was through the U of M’s Center for Spirituality and Healing, such as yoga, MBSR, or other overall wellness-related topics.

Alas, the start of the fifties. Am I really this old? I don’t feel it. This time is pretty much entrenched upon the adage: Life begins at the edge of one’s comfort zone. I don’t know where I heard that, but it rings true.

For this reason, I push myself to remain part of society, and not hide away in my writing cave, in hopes of attaining real enjoyment despite discomfort to achieve such new experiences. Coming to grips with my intuition, which in turn configures new perspectives, thereby helps me conquers fears. Although it’s easier said than done…

Remaining Calm

Buddha

Remaining calm is a constant endeavor of mine. I think it’s because of my mental health diagnosis for the most part in that I’ve experienced how easy it is to have a psychotic episode. For that reason, I’ve learned my triggers and the quickest way to chaos for me is nervous energy.

So, I took classes at the UMN’s Center for Spirituality and Healing in just about every course offering they had. Whether it was Optimal Healing Environments to Mindfulness-based Stress Reduction to Spirituality and Resilience or The Art of Healing. The common theme throughout was living in the moment and experiential journeys focused on calm centeredness.

So my workdays are filled with yoga stretches, artistic diversions, meditations, thumbing through positive quotes on Instagram, and bringing it all back to the moment. I can’t fix yesterdays, can’t control tomorrows, and so I focus on today, specifically this moment. And everything about it is geared toward serenity. I need it to stay sane. I need it to remain positive. I need it to move forward. Breathe.

Mental Wellbeing Thoughts

Enjoy-The-Little-Things-Free-Printable

1. It’s okay to go to therapy.
2. It’s okay to ask for help.
3. It’s okay to cry.
4. It’s okay if you need time away from people.
5. It’s okay to take some time to reflect.
6. The voice inside your head saying you aren’t good enough is wrong.
7. It’s okay to set boundaries for your mental health.
8. It’s okay if some days you are just simply surviving.
9. You deserve to be happy and more.
10. You’re loved more than you know.
11. You’re not a broken person.
12. You’re worthy of recovery.
13. You’re making people proud by continuing to fight.
14. It’s okay to take medication.
15. Relapses do not erase the healing you’ve done to this point.
16. You’re not defined by your illness.
17. You’ll make mistakes and that is okay.
18. It isn’t your job to please everyone.
19. It isn’t selfish to put yourself first.
20. You can do anything you put your mind to.
21. Your illness doesn’t make you unlovable.
22. Remember to celebrate your small victories.
23. It’s okay to feel lost, it won’t last forever.
24. It’s okay to feel sad over old memories, being misunderstood, if you’re going through a rough time, or just feeling sad.
25. Growth takes time, it doesn’t happen overnight.
26. Your feelings are valid.
26. It’s okay to not have everything figured out yet.
27. It’s okay to ask for advice.
28. It’s okay if you feel unmotivated.
29. It’s okay if you found today, this week, this month or this year difficult.
30. You don’t have to justify if you have changed your mind.
31. It’s okay to run into setbacks, it won’t last forever.
32. You can get through this.
33. It’s okay if you can’t figure it out yet, you will do eventually.
34. It’s okay to forgive yourself if you’ve been too hard on yourself.
35. You deserve to be here on this earth.
36. You are not a failure.
37. Recovery isn’t linear, you can start again tomorrow.
38. It’s okay if you feel like you can’t get out of bed.
39. You’re more important than your anxiety, your depression, your trauma, your mistakes, and your illnesses.
40. It’s okay to miss who you used to be.
41. You’re brave, and you’ll get through this.
42. It’s okay to pretend everything is okay.
43. It’s okay if all you did today was brush your teeth.
44. It’s okay to forgive yourself for having dark days.
45. You’re not alone in your struggle.
enjoy
46. It’s okay to enjoy the good days.
47. It is okay to forgive yourself if you think negatively.
48. You’re more than your anxious thoughts, your past trauma, your mistakes, your flaws, and your mental illness.
49. Your illness may be invisible but it doesn’t invalidate it.
50. You didn’t come this far to only come this far.
Difficult days are challenging and recovering from these is tough but there’s always tomorrow to start again. We can do this.

Why phone calls can be incredibly difficult for people with social anxiety.

a phone call

Phone calls are unpredictable. When you answer the phone, you have no idea what the other person is wanting to discuss. There is no time to prepare as if someone asked you to come to their office for a chat or to call at a specific time. This is anxiety-provoking.

It changes the expected plan. I like to know what I am doing and when. If I have planned to spend the next half an hour doing a specific task, to have that suddenly interrupted can be overwhelming, because now I have to replan my time.

It takes time to transition my focus from one thing to another. Phone calls are instant. You have less than 10 seconds to answer. In that time, I have to force myself to transition my thoughts and energy to what my brain is now forced to focus on. This takes a lot of energy.

Phone calls interrupt what I am doing. If I am deeply engrossed in the task, especially if it is related to my particular interest, when I answer the phone, it may be impossible for me to focus on what it is they are saying. As a result, my replies may not be as coherent or valid.

It can take us longer to process certain things on the phone. I can’t see your body language. It is even harder than usual for me to interpret what you mean, especially when you refuse to say precisely what you mean and instead confound your speech with metaphors and sarcasm.

Many of us rely on lip-reading. Lip-reading helps to process what is being said quicker. I don’t know why, but my processing ability seems to be at a slower speed than many neurotypicals. Lip reading is hugely beneficial with this, and obviously, this isn’t present on the phone.

a phone call

It is even harder than average to gauge social cues. Knowing when it is my turn to speak in conversation is even harder on the phone. I have to be super careful not to interrupt by accident, speak for the acceptable length of time, and ensure my words are appropriate and articulate.

On phone calls, there is no time to prepare responses. Often I need longer to process what you’ve said and formulated a response. Face to face, this is easier for the other person to understand. On the phone, I may feel rushed, so say things I don’t mean, or not explain adequately.

As a result of not being able to think things through, I may feel pressured into saying ‘yes’ to everything asked of me, due to a desire to please. Afterward, I may realize this is not something I can cope with and then panic because I have already agreed to it.

Phone calls can be more intense. Many find silence less comfortable on the phone. There are no typical environmental distractions that may provide a few moments of relief. If there are distractions, the other person can’t see/hear them, so we have to focus even harder.

And worst of all, for those with deeper mental issues like schizophrenia, there may be a cacophony of voices present on the phone call. Imagine listening to ten radio stations simultaneously. Would you be able to make out one distinct voice and respond appropriately?

These are just a few of the reasons why many people with social anxiety struggle with phone calls. Some things that can be helpful are asking when is a good time to call, preparing the other person as to what the topic is, and planning time in advance.

Additionally, offer other means of communication that the person may find more comfortable, such as emails. Some may find video calls easier. Or even simple adjustments like discussing on the phone but having time afterward to think and then emailing decisions later on.

3 Books About Mental Illness That I Recommend

Living with mental illness, I sometimes get asked which are the really good books to increase compassion and on what it’s truly like to struggle day-to-day. My favorite three are as follows:

madness marya hornbacher

Madness by Marya Hornbacher pulls no punches in giving you a ringside seat into the devastating illness that is bipolar disorder. The most serious form is when psychotic episodes appear which I found similar to schizophrenia. The major plus for this read is that mental distress particularly during her hospitalizations spills from the page so effortlessly.

the center cannot hold elyn saks

I found Elyn Saks’ The Center Cannot Hold after watching the author’s TED talk, which is fascinating and very informative. I have the utmost admiration for the writer who, although clearly affected by the symptoms of her illness, didn’t allow it to define her or stop her from doing what she wanted to do with her life. It’s a truly honest, heart-wrenching account.

kay redfield jamison an unquiet mind

Kay Redfield Jamison’s An Unquiet Mind is another book about bipolar and not schizophrenia but the turbulence is similar and the fact that she fought meds for so long until she finally succumbed to the realization that they are indeed truly necessary and lifechanging so that sufferers can now fully function with their assistance in our lives. Jamison is a psychologist so she writes the scientific aspects in an easy to understand, charming witty and all too human way.

Course of Illness (Schizophrenia)

chart symptoms

My psychiatrist can’t confirm any possible course of my illness; but he does think that due to my later onset and of my being female that it will be milder. At this point on my vigorous medication regimen, I’m having essentially no positive or negative symptoms. He doesn’t think that there will be any deterioration in behavior or cognition. However, potential short-term working memory problems may arise and he also thinks that I may continue to have subtle peculiarities in my language (negative symptom).

Although, I’d have been the first to say that I never got depressed just anxious, it has been determined that I have suffered from depression and may continue to do so. My depression is an anxious case not the sad states. Fertility and fecundity are a non-issue for me as I’ve already raised my four kids. And my doctor doesn’t think that life span will be decreased but I am at risk for diabetes and high blood pressure due to the medication side effects.

As for the meds, I have to be symptom free for a year before he will cut back on any one or better yet discontinue all. He worries about the statistic of 90% recurrence within five years of stopping meds. So, that was the extent of my discussion with my doctor today.

Relapse

angiegrey

One surefire way to go into relapse is not taking medications. Why or how would that occur? Degree of insight into the illness, disorganized thinking (forgetfulness of a complex meds regimen), prescription costs, negative side effects, or stigma towards taking anti-psychotics. For the longest time I thought that I was in control of my problem and that nothing really was wrong: I wrote the symptoms off as other things (PTSD or anxiety). Then I took meds for another more acceptable problem (depression). I shouldn’t have hidden my symptoms for so long; but I was afraid.

What are other possible reasons for a possible relapse? Susceptibility to stressful interpersonal conflicts, adherence to the complex meds schedule, or discouragement are but a few. My family knows to watch for the signs of relapse: withdrawal from social situations, changes in sleep patterns or eating habits, staying focused, controlling behavior, being obsessive or compulsive, fear of common things or places, strange or risky behaviors, feeling targeted, or definitely seeing or hearing things that aren’t there.

It is difficult enough with all the possibilities of relapse; but the one we shouldn’t have to worry about is stigma. Myths and misperceptions are preventable.People with schizophrenia aren’t serial killers or don’t have split personalities. Shame, humiliation, and/or isolation need not be another things that people with schizophrenia need to cope with in addition to all the other reasons for relapse.