Category: mental illness

Book review: Eliza and Her Monsters by Francesca Zappia

Greenwillow Books, 2017

Eighteen-year-old Eliza Mirk straddles two worlds: in real life, she’s a shy and friendless high school student, but online, she is known as LadyConstellation, anonymous creator of the highly popular webcomic: Monstrous Sea. Eliza finds so much joy online that there’s hardly any joy left for her life offline. She lost herself in the world and characters she created, and it was so much easier for her to remain cocooned in her imaginary world than challenge herself to make real-life connections. But when Wallace Warland transfers to Eliza’s school, he reveals himself to be Monstrous Sea’s biggest fanfiction writer, rainmaker. Though Wallace and Eliza grow close and bond over their love for Monstrous Sea, Eliza struggles with revealing her own identity as the creator of the webcomic.

Wallace even begins to draw Eliza out of her shell. After a series of strange events threaten to expose everything, she’s worked to keep hidden, Eliza finds that her world has begun to crumble around her. She deals with anxiety, depression, and overwhelming pressure as she tries to learn how to reconcile the two halves of her life that seem so far apart. She lives in her comics and her dedication to her creation and her fandom borders on an unhealthy obsession as she treads the boundaries between her online presence and reality.

Shyness, escapism, obsession, and low self-worth were all very relatable in this story. It’s a great look at the messiness of love when depression and low self-esteem get in the way of communication. This heartbreaking, quick read is also worth reading for parents that are wondering, no, struggling to understand why your teen is a part of a fandom. The book has little drawings and stories from her webcomic throughout, making it more interactive and engaging. It’s delving into PTSD, anxiety, and depression is a trigger warning for this near tearjerker about teen angst and romance.

Secret Whispers available on 04/11/21

A beautiful family hiding dysfunction.

A house full of secrets.

An intelligent, creative, and schizophrenic girl.

An awkward, awesome, zealous boy.

Noxious peers. Worse high school. Embarrassing moments.

Danger lurks. Young love.  Reality?

What befalls one on an unraveling journey? And what is it like to question one’s own sanity? Adria is a high school junior with a penchant for painting and a clear goal: to hide the changes from anyone and everyone. In reality, she’s just developing schizophrenia. Genes are not in Adria’s corner. With an uncle as well as an older brother with paranoid schizophrenia, she’s got the family ties that make her life a challenge. Not that she needs any more stress. As the primary caregiver to her younger siblings, Adria’s life couldn’t be anything less than jam-packed and ready to implode. Adria must choose whether to risk everything, including her sanity and a first love, in a desperate attempt to save her family from the evil that stalks them.

Then there’s Ben, an awkward average teen but totally in awe at what he sees in Adria: a curious, quirky, and calm-natured dream that just applied for a job at the same store. He can’t help but be magnetically drawn to everything that is Adria, whom he meets when the odds are against her: in school, at their part-time job, and at home, especially. Little does he know her outward deficiencies are only the tip of the iceberg. Will he save the girl of his dreams, or is she destined to falter and pull him under with her when her mental health condition triggers.

Angela Grey, a writer with paranoid schizophrenia,, OCD, PTSD, and social anxiety, whom herself spent time in a psychiatric hospital, has created a memorable moving tale about the sometimes unexpected and challenging road to first love.

Book review: Challenger Deep by Neal Schusterman

Thorndike Press, 2015

In recent years, mental health has become a rising issue in society, especially in youth. This story details mental illness, schizophrenia to be exact, showing real ups and down, not glamorizing it, and giving a real depth to it that is truly sad at times.

The narrative follows fifteen-year-old Caden on his journey to both the lowest point on earth and recovery. As a result of his mental illness, Caden seemingly lives in two separate worlds, one being the real world, and the other on a ship under the direction of a Captain.

This boy is written in a way that can also be understood by a younger audience as a YA novel that could also be read by mature primary aged readers. At the start of the novel, Caden’s parents try to cure his paranoia and anxiety through hobbies. As his schizophrenia worsens, Caden is hospitalized where he meets other teens, who all suffer from a variety of mental illnesses. It’s a potent, realistic, relatable narrative that connects to readers because of the utter honesty of one struggling with mental illness.

I recommend it to increase awareness of schizophrenia and those that struggle with it because it encapsulates the emotions of everyone involved.

Are my worries five, ten years ago, still relevant concerns today?

Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.comwoman in white button up shirt holding her hair

A whole range of mental health issues are acquired or maintained through the development of delusional beliefs about ourselves and our world. Even the most common mental health problems, such as anxiety and depression, are rooted by ingrained, strongly held delusional beliefs about ourselves or the world. Uncontrollable worrying is extremely common. Just think: Are my worries five, ten years ago, still relevant concerns today? And will they still be our worries in five, ten years from now? So, which delusional (not reflected by reality) beliefs do we chronic worriers hold now?

1. “I’m a born worrier.” or ” I’ve got to worry, so don’t even try to change me.”

2. “If I worry about something, it’s likely to happen.”

3. “Just because something I worried about in the past didn’t happen doesn’t mean it won’t happen in the future.”

4. “Worrying will prevent bad things happening.”

5. “If I’m anxious about something, it must mean it’s a threat or a problem, so I should worry about it.”

6. “I must think through all the possible things that might happen otherwise I won’t be prepared.”

7. “If I let other people know what they do makes me worry, they will change their behavior.”

8. “It is better to spend a lot of time thinking about a problem than making a snap decision.”

Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

woman in white dress shirt sitting on brown wooden chair

I realize it’s not simple or easy but these delusional beliefs have to be analyzed in the safety of the therapist’s office. It may not be something we look forward to but it is our goal for better mental health and positive repercussions.

Examine doubts and ease them.

Photo by Polina Zimmerman on Pexels.comupset woman looking in mirror

Doubt is a natural response like fear and joy. We shouldn’t try to beat it as if it were our enemy. Like fear, doubt can sometimes save our life. Some self-doubt is reasonable: I doubt I can jump from this building to the next or I doubt my legs would handle jumping from this roof. These doubts have in common their scientific fact or what we’ve learned about the strength and durability of human leg bones.

Where we get into trouble with self-doubt is when it’s based on assumptions or on limiting beliefs that have no basis in fact. Those assumptions and beliefs have us to avoid new challenges that confront us with the possibility of failure. But they also prevent us from learning the truth of who we are and what we’re capable of. We can’t believe in ourselves and hold onto these assumptions that others have passed down about the world and our place in it.

So, we need to start facing those doubts with some pointed questions like is this really true, do I believe it only because someone else has said this, is there any fact-based reason to believe it, or what could I do to put this belief to the test?

Mental illness can play havoc with our doubts. Sometimes we can confront them on our own if we have the insight available. Other times it’s helpful to go over these questions to poke at assumptions or limiting beliefs.

We must take baby steps.

babe steps

Instead of telling ourselves, “This could never happen for me,” we must ask ourselves, “What can I do to bring this closer to me?”

It doesn’t have to be a huge step. We don’t have to make it happen all at once. But we need to do something — at least one small thing — every day to get closer to the life we want. We need to do one small thing to get closer to being the person we want to be.

To do this, we need to get clear on the end goal.

So, let’s make a list of why we want something, get committed to the end goal, and then get transparent on what small steps are needed to take each day to get closer to it.

  • What do I want?
  • Why do I want it?
  • Why do those reasons matter to me?
  • What is the end goal? How do I want to see myself a year (or more) from now?
  • What can I do today to get closer to that?

Every day that we make a small step is a success! We’re proving to ourselves that we can do it when we want the end result badly enough to commit to it.

And in so doing, we build up our self-confidence. Other people’s limiting opinions on what we’re capable of no longer have any power over us. And neither do the limiting thoughts we used to have.

baby steps

Believing in ourselves doesn’t mean saying, “I’m 100% finished with my self-growth, and I don’t need to change anything or learn anything more.”

When we know the truth about ourselves, we know that we’re born to keep growing, keep learning, and keep contributing.

When we believe in ourselves, we know we’re worth the investments we need to make in our personal growth.

We know we’re smart enough, strong enough, and capable enough to do what is needed to do to become the person we want to be.

It doesn’t mean we’re not enough as we are. Being enough doesn’t mean we have permission to stop growing; it means we have what it takes to keep growing.

Because we do. We need to believe in that, first of all. Then build on it.

And may our courage and unshakable belief in ourselves influence everything else we do today.

Giving Ourselves Permission Fail at Something

failure

Self-doubt is essentially about the fear of failure, and when we practice self-confidence and move forward anyway, we build on that confidence — just as we build courage the more we step up in the presence of fear.

The most successful people have failed more times than most people even try. The danger is mostly to the ego, but that can recover.

Giving ourselves permission to fail in an endeavor could lead to something great; if we don’t make it the first time, we get to learn from what we did wrong. Then we can try again at that same challenge or pivot and apply what we’ve learned to another similar task or something altogether different.

When we fail — and if we’re actually trying and taking risks, we probably will — but can’t focus on the failure itself but on what led to it and what we can learn from the experience.

Those who become the people they want to be, choose to focus on what they can learn from their failures instead of getting stuck in a failure is inevitable mentality.

What this mentality says is “maybe other people could succeed at this, but not me…whatever I do, I’m bound to fail.” But again this isn’t based on fact but on a fear-based assumption.

The fact is that if we survived this failure, we can learn from it and do better next time – at the same challenge or a different one.

And we owe it to ourselves to keep moving in a growth-oriented direction.

You-make-mistakes.-Mistakes-dont__quotes-by-Maxwell-Maltz-43

We are not our mistakes. What determines our outcome and the person we become is how we handle those mistakes.

We need to stop listening to people who doubt us.

Self-Doubt-Lena-Yang

It’s hard enough dealing with the voices of self-doubt inside our heads; we don’t need to be around people who reinforce those thoughts.

Just because someone else hasn’t dealt with their own self-doubt doesn’t mean they get to drag us down with them.

If they’re stuck in a defeatist mentality, we need to try to avoid conversations that will lead to negative rants about their potential or ours.

In some cases, we’ll need to simply avoid these people as much as we can, just as we do the drama vampires. Every conversation turns into a negative monologue or tears us down. We can’t give them the opportunity.

Instead, we need to hang out with people who build us up, who are unabashedly self-confident, and who set an example of growth that inspires us to keep moving forward. Spending more time with people who believe in themselves is contagious. We need to give ourselves a vote of confidence.  We can’t wait for someone else to pick up the pieces and tell us that we’re enough, and “we can do this.” We have a responsibility to ourselves, as well as to others.

We need to take responsibility and tell ourselves that we’ve learned and mastered things before, and there’s no reason we can’t continue learning and mastering new things.

Think of what we’ve already accomplished, and keep telling ourselves, “There’s positive energy on the other side of fear (and I choose positive energy).”

We can do more and become more than we can probably imagine right now; we’re not limited to “the way things have always been” or to “what we’ve always known.”

We need to remind ourselves, we were made to live fully and intentionally until the moment we die. We owe that to ourselves — and to the people, we care about.  This I learned in The Art of Healing at the Center for Spirituality & Healing at the University of MN.