Why phone calls can be incredibly difficult for people with social anxiety.

Phone calls are unpredictable. When you answer the phone, you have no idea what the other person is wanting to discuss. There is no time to prepare as if someone asked you to come to their office for a chat or to call at a specific time. This is anxiety-provoking.

It changes the expected plan. I like to know what I am doing and when. If I have planned to spend the next half an hour doing a specific task, to have that suddenly interrupted can be overwhelming, because now I have to replan my time.

It takes time to transition my focus from one thing to another. Phone calls are instant. You have less than 10 seconds to answer. In that time, I have to force myself to transition my thoughts and energy to what my brain is now forced to focus on. This takes a lot of energy.

Phone calls interrupt what I am doing. If I am deeply engrossed in the task, especially if it is related to my particular interest, when I answer the phone, it may be impossible for me to focus on what it is they are saying. As a result, my replies may not be as coherent or valid.

It can take us longer to process certain things on the phone. I can’t see your body language. It is even harder than usual for me to interpret what you mean, especially when you refuse to say precisely what you mean and instead confound your speech with metaphors and sarcasm.

Many of us rely on lip-reading. Lip-reading helps to process what is being said quicker. I don’t know why, but my processing ability seems to be at a slower speed than many neurotypicals. Lip reading is hugely beneficial with this, and obviously, this isn’t present on the phone.

It is even harder than average to gauge social cues. Knowing when it is my turn to speak in conversation is even harder on the phone. I have to be super careful not to interrupt by accident, speak for the acceptable length of time, and ensure my words are appropriate and articulate.

On phone calls, there is no time to prepare responses. Often I need longer to process what you’ve said and formulated a response. Face to face, this is easier for the other person to understand. On the phone, I may feel rushed, so say things I don’t mean, or not explain adequately.

As a result of not being able to think things through, I may feel pressured into saying ‘yes’ to everything asked of me, due to a desire to please. Afterward, I may realize this is not something I can cope with and then panic because I have already agreed to it.

Phone calls can be more intense. Many find silence less comfortable on the phone. There are no typical environmental distractions that may provide a few moments of relief. If there are distractions, the other person can’t see/hear them, so we have to focus even harder.

And worst of all, for those with deeper mental issues like schizophrenia, there may be a cacophony of voices present on the phone call. Imagine listening to ten radio stations simultaneously. Would you be able to make out one distinct voice and respond appropriately?

These are just a few of the reasons why many people with social anxiety struggle with phone calls. Some things that can be helpful are asking when is a good time to call, preparing the other person as to what the topic is, and planning time in advance.

Additionally, offer other means of communication that the person may find more comfortable, such as emails. Some may find video calls easier. Or even simple adjustments like discussing on the phone but having time afterward to think and then emailing decisions later on.