Writing the Nightmare: How Long Since Buried Became My Way Back to Light

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When I was twelve, I began dreaming of being hunted.

It wasn’t the kind of nightmare that dissolves with morning light. These dreams followed me—in hallways, in car rides, in the spaces between waking and sleep. In them, I was always running. Sometimes, I saw who chased me; in others, there were only the shadows gathering at the edges, the sound of breath too close behind.

Therapists would later call it trauma’s echo, the body remembering what the mind couldn’t articulate. But at the time, I just called it fear. It clung to my ribs for decades, shapeshifting—into insomnia, perfectionism, silence. When I finally began therapy as an adult, my sessions became less about remembering events and more about re-entering the emotional rooms I’d locked shut. Those rooms were crowded with ghosts, but also with stories waiting to be told.

That’s where Long Since Buried was born—not as a thriller at first, but as a reckoning.

The Fiction That Remembered Me

I didn’t sit down to write a murder mystery. I sat down to write about a feeling I couldn’t escape—the sense of being watched, pursued, never quite safe in my own skin.

In Long Since Buried, twelve-year-old Sydney dies during what should have been an ordinary spring day in South Dakota. Thirty years later, her newly discovered twin, Laci, returns to the same town to unravel what happened. Two women, two timelines—one silenced, one searching.

When I began, I didn’t realize how closely those sisters mirrored the split inside me. Sydney became the self that never got to speak, the child frozen in that recurring nightmare. Laci became the adult voice, trying to rewrite what the dream refused to release.

I remember writing late into the night, hands trembling, feeling the same chill I had as a child. The words felt like digging—not for a plot twist, but for buried truth. I didn’t outline the story. It unfolded the way memory does—fragmented, looping, unreliable. Each chapter was a séance, calling forth pieces of the past I’d long since buried under survival instinct.

When Therapy Meets the Page

Over the years, therapy taught me how to sit with the body’s reactions—the quickened pulse, the tightening throat—without letting them drown me. Writing taught me how to translate those sensations into language. Between the two, I found a strange kind of balance: psychology as scaffold, story as sanctuary.

The sessions and the drafts often overlapped. One week, I’d describe the recurring dream to my therapist—the smell of dirt and spent ammo with its sulfurous, metallic odor, the sound of footsteps, the desperate wish to turn and face what chased me. The next week, I’d find that same image emerging in the manuscript—but this time, under my control. I could decide what happened when I turned around.

That was yet another time I realized that fiction could be a survival tool—not a means of escape, but a way to return to the site of the wound with agency. In writing, I was both hunted and hunter, both lost girl and adult author mapping the terrain of her own memory.

In this way, Long Since Buried became an act of reclamation disguised as suspense.

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The Town as Mirror

The fictionalized setting—Watertown, South Dakota—is more than a backdrop. It’s a possible mirror of containment and repression. On the surface, it’s idyllic: lakeside weddings, small-town gossip, the scent of lilacs after rain. But underneath, everyone knows something they won’t say out loud. Everyone carries their own secret version of the truth.

That, too, came from life. The unspoken rules of small communities. The polite silences that can hide harm. The way a family can appear whole from the outside while cracking beneath the weight of what’s unsaid.

When I described the town, I was also describing the psychological landscape of trauma—beautiful, familiar, and haunted. The serenity of the lake juxtaposed against the violence beneath its reflection. The wedding festivities standing as fragile rituals of denial.

Readers often tell me the book feels cinematic—as if the town itself were breathing. I think that’s because every building, every echo, every whispered conversation was built from memory’s architecture.

The Child Who Was Hunted

During therapy, I realized that the nightmares of being hunted were never about literal pursuit. They were metaphors for the feeling of being unsafe in my own story. The faceless hunter was every force—societal, familial, internal—that told me to stay small, quiet, compliant.

When I wrote Sydney, I gave that hunted girl a name, a world, and eventually, a voice that transcended death. Her chapters are written from the past, but they hum with an afterlife’s awareness. Through her, I could finally face the forest—not as prey, but as witness.

The process wasn’t easy. Writing Long Since Buried often meant reliving the old panic. I’d have to step away, breathe, ground myself in the present—feeling my feet, naming five blue things in the room. But each time I returned to the keyboard, I felt a little stronger. The page became a threshold: on one side, fear; on the other, creation.

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The Adult Who Returns

Laci’s sections—the modern-day timeline—are my love letter to persistence. She’s not fearless; she’s relentless. Her investigation isn’t just about uncovering who killed her twin. It’s about confronting the emotional debris that lingers when truth has been buried too long.

Writing her reminded me that healing is never about erasing what happened; it’s about learning to carry it differently.

I gave Laci my own instincts—her tendency to overanalyze, her compulsion to observe, her need to understand why. I also gave her what I wish I’d had sooner: a sense of permission to look, even when others warned her not to.

Through her, I could finally answer the question the nightmare always posed: What happens if I stop running?

The Silence After the Gunshot

There’s a moment in the first draft—quiet, almost imperceptible—where time seems to stop. A gunshot echoes. The scene goes still. My first readers describe it as eerie, cinematic. For me, it was cathartic.

That silence after the shot became symbolic: the stillness that follows a trauma before the mind rushes to fill in the blanks. In that pause, the reader and I share the same breath—both of us listening for what comes next.

And what comes next, in fiction and in life, is always the same: choice. Do we remain buried in the narrative others wrote for us, or do we dig our way toward our own version of truth?

Writing as Resurrection

I used to think writing about pain would make it permanent. But I’ve learned it can do the opposite. When we give shape to what haunts us, we reclaim it. We define it before it defines us.

In that way, Long Since Buried became both elegy and resurrection. It honored the frightened twelve-year-old who couldn’t wake herself from the dream, while allowing the adult me to finish the story on her own terms.

The nightmares still visit sometimes, though less frequently now. When they do, I no longer wake in panic. I reach for a notebook. I listen. I write. Because I’ve learned that every dream, even the terrifying ones, contains a fragment of language waiting to be set free.

Why I Still Write the Dark

Readers often ask why I continue to write thrillers—why I linger in the dark when I’ve already survived it. The answer is simple: because the dark is where I found my voice.

The shadows aren’t just where fear lives; they’re also where empathy grows. In exploring human darkness—greed, guilt, survival, grief—I’ve learned to honor the complexity of being alive.

For me, Long Since Buried isn’t just a story of murder or revenge. It’s a story of reclamation—of what happens when a girl who once dreamed of being hunted becomes the woman who writes the ending.

That’s the true closure fiction gives us: not a perfect resolution, but a language for what once felt unspeakable.

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Sometimes the stories that terrify us are the ones that most need to be written.
Sometimes the only way out of a nightmare is through the page.

And when we finally reach the end—when the words fall quiet and the ghosts rest easy—we realize we were never being hunted by monsters.
We were being pursued by our own courage, waiting for us to stop running and turn toward it.

The Language of Healing: Finding Words for the Unspeakable

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There are wounds that refuse to speak in complete sentences. They hum beneath the skin, pulsing with memory, waiting for a language tender enough to hold them. For years, I mistook my silence for strength. I believed that if I didn’t name the pain, it couldn’t touch me. But silence, I learned, is its own kind of bruise—one that deepens in the dark.

Writing became my way of translating ache into alphabet. In Nostalgic Tendencies, Idyllic Endeavors & Current Inclinations, I began experimenting with what healing might sound like if given voice. I wasn’t trying to craft perfection; I was trying to survive. Each essay attempted to name something that had long lived without language—the complicated inheritance of womanhood, the confusion of growing up inside both trauma and tenderness, the way love and loss often share the same room.

The alphabetic structure of that book—A to Z—was more than a creative choice. It was a lifeline. Some days, I could only manage a single word: Ache. Anger. Acceptance. Other days, I could stretch into sentences. By giving shape to the unspeakable, I was teaching myself how to live with it. Naming became an act of reclamation; description became a prayer.

Later, in Bedridden & Gutted to Mindful, I found that healing sometimes requires fewer words, not more. Depression dismantled grammar; mindfulness rebuilt it one breath at a time. When I was too exhausted to write paragraphs, I wrote sensations instead: the hum of the refrigerator, the pulse in my wrists, the sparrow outside the window refusing to give up its song. I learned that attention itself is a language—one that says, I see you. I’m still here.

That book explored the intersection between narrative and neurobiology — how the act of observing, naming, and breathing can rewire a weary mind. Where Nostalgic Tendencies dissected the emotional architecture of becoming, Bedridden & Gutted to Mindful was about learning to dwell inside the body again, to replace self-critique with curiosity.

Words, I realized, are not cures. They’re companions. They sit beside the wound, whispering, You are not alone. The act of writing them—or reading them—becomes a ceremony of recognition. There’s something almost sacred about saying the truth out loud, even if it trembles. Because once a story is spoken, it stops being a secret.

Healing, I’ve learned, has its own dialect—part ink, part silence. It’s the pause between paragraphs, the tremor before truth, the deep exhale after naming something that once terrified you. And when we find that dialect—when we learn to speak our pain without fear of breaking the room—something miraculous happens: the language begins to speak us back into being.

Maybe this is why we keep writing, even when it hurts. Because language is how we build a bridge from what was unbearable to what might be beautiful again.

The Art of Liminality: Writing the Spaces Between Worlds

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“Between waking and dream, girlhood and grief, there is a place that language almost reaches—and that’s where I write from.”

Some stories do not belong entirely to one world.
They hover in the threshold—that delicate, dangerous space between what we know and what we believe. The in-between has always been my country. It’s where I’ve found the most honest versions of myself, and where my characters seem to find me first—half-shadow, half-light, whispering: write the crossing.

To live in the liminal is to refuse the false choice between realism and magic, sanity and madness, childhood and adulthood. It is to see both—and to find the trembling beauty in the blur.

Whimsy and Bliss: Growing Up Inside Wonder

In Whimsy and Bliss, I wanted to write about that final summer before the horizon changes—the cusp between friendship and farewell, between the girls they were and the women they’re about to become.

Abigail Whimsy and Lainey Bliss live inside this threshold. Their adventures—climbing water towers at midnight, mapping “thin places,” chasing the remnants of childhood magic—are less about fantasy and more about memory. Each act of wonder becomes an act of grief for the selves they’re outgrowing.

To write them was to remember the ache of adolescence: that strange ache of realizing that magic was never lost, only waiting for you to look differently.

Ink & Ivy: Creation as Refuge

When I began Ink & Ivy, I was thinking about art as survival—about how creation can become a sanctuary when the world fractures. The story’s young booksellers and illustrators discover that their drawings begin to breathe, that the ink itself can resist darkness.

But underneath the fantastical premise lies a human truth: we build worlds not to escape the real, but to understand it. Ink becomes rebellion. Story becomes shelter. For Marisol and her circle, creation is both resistance and refuge—the liminal act of turning despair into design, shadow into shape.

That’s what writing feels like for me, too—a quiet act of defiance against silence.

Shadows We Carry: The Weight of Inheritance

Then came Shadows We Carry, a book born from the tension between remembering and release. It lives in the psychological dusk—between grief and growth, silence and confession. Its characters inherit what isn’t visible: generational trauma, unspoken histories, ghosts of choices that still breathe through bloodlines.

Writing it taught me that the liminal isn’t always mystical; sometimes it’s painfully human. The space between who we were raised to be and who we are becoming can feel like a haunting—and yet, it’s also where healing begins. The shadows we carry are not just burdens; they are thresholds. Step through them, and you find yourself rewritten.

Déjà vu: The Echo Between Memory and Madness

In Déjà vu, the line between dream and waking frays entirely. Ivy Lancaster’s visions, her looping déjà vu, and her haunting sense of repetition are not supernatural tricks—they’re metaphors for what trauma does to time.

To live with memory is to live in a loop: to relive, re-see, re-feel what logic insists is over. Writing this book meant surrendering to that repetition—finding beauty in the recursion, empathy in the confusion.

The story asks: what if madness isn’t madness at all, but a language the world has forgotten how to read?

Why We Need the In-Between

Liminality terrifies because it resists certainty. It’s a door that never entirely shuts, a sky that never chooses day or night. But within that uncertainty is grace. It’s where imagination lives, where empathy begins.

The young and the haunted, the dreamers and the doubters—they all live here, straddling worlds, speaking in metaphors because plain speech fails. To write the liminal is to honor the unseen bridges: between sanity and sensitivity, between what was and what will be.

When I write, I try not to choose a side. I let both worlds breathe.

For the Reader Between Worlds

If you’ve ever felt too much, or too early, or too in-between—this space is for you. Hold the blur. Let your contradictions coexist. The liminal is not indecision; it’s artistry.

And maybe, somewhere between dusk and dawn, story and silence, you’ll find yourself not trapped between worlds—but finally belonging to both.“To write the crossing is to remember: thresholds are not barriers, but invitations.”

The Myths We Inherit: Rewriting Ancestry Through Story

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“We do not write to remember what was lost.
We write to remind the land that we are still listening.”

Before I could name myself as a writer, I was a listener.
I grew up in the hush between stories—in the cadence of my grandmother’s and auntie’s voices, in the pauses that carried more truth than the sentences. She spoke in fragments, half-remembered songs that felt older than her body, words that hung in the air like incense.

The first stories I inherited were not written down. They lived in breath, in rhythm, in the pulse of kitchen light and the sound of rain on a tin roof. I did not yet know they were mythology—or that I would one day spend my life trying to rewrite them before they disappeared.

Red Lineages: A Song Made Visible

When I began writing Red Lineages, I wasn’t crafting a book of poems. I was stitching together the threads my ancestors had left behind—the syllables that survived allotment, the silences that colonial archives mistook for absence.

Every poem became an act of recovery, a slow unbraiding of what was taken and a reweaving of what remained. Some pieces came through dream, others through the steady hum of memory. In each, I heard the same heartbeat: that our languages and lineages are not past tense—they are present and pulsing, waiting for us to speak them back into being. The page, I discovered, is not a graveyard. It is a ceremonial ground.

Dreamcatcher: The Bridge Between Worlds

In Dreamcatcher: Between the Real and the Woven, I followed Dash, a Dakota Sioux girl who stumbles into a dream realm shaped by ancestral wisdom and modern ache. Her journey began as fantasy—but became a map of cultural survival.

Baumwelt, that mythic world between sleep and story, is the same world our elders spoke of when they said the spirits travel through dreams. Dash’s courage to walk between them mirrors the courage of every Indigenous storyteller who must translate myth into modern language without losing its sacred center.

We do not invent our worlds—we remember them.

Vanished on Tribal Land: Truth in the Echo

When I wrote Vanished on Tribal Land, I stepped into darker terrain—where myth meets the machinery of disappearance. The novel draws on the ongoing crisis of Missing and Murdered Indigenous people. It refuses the comfort of distance.

The story is not simply mystery; it is testimony. Each vanished girl in the book speaks through the wind, the rivers, the empty rooms. Their absence becomes presence. Writing it meant facing the legacy of erasure—not only by telling their stories but by indicting the silence that surrounds them.

To write such a story is to walk with ghosts—and to promise them visibility.

Bdóte: Where Rivers Remember

In Bdóte, I return to the confluence—the meeting place of the Minnesota and Mississippi Rivers, a sacred Dakota site and origin of our people. The land itself speaks in that work, carrying both grief and renewal.

Writing Bdóte taught me that myth is not ancient; it’s alive each time the rivers meet. Every current carries an old name. Every bend remembers the treaties broken along its banks. When I stand there, notebook open, I feel both the wound and the inheritance—the truth that the river keeps our story better than any book ever could.

The Inheritance of Silence

Colonialism doesn’t only take land. It takes language—and the right to mythologize oneself. For generations, our stories were re-told for us: edited, mistranslated, sanitized. But the body remembers what the archive forgets.

Each time I write, I ask: whose silence am I breaking? Each line becomes an offering to those whose voices were edited out of history’s margins. In this way, writing is not an act of ownership—it is one of return.

Reclaiming the Narrative

Rewriting ancestry is dangerous work. It requires tenderness, research, and reverence—not just for what was, but for what still is. It demands we listen to rivers, to elders, to languages we may not yet understand.

But it also offers healing. It reminds us that identity is not a fixed inheritance—it’s a living river, carrying memory forward even when the current splits and disappears underground.

When we write from that current, we are not inventing myth. We are participating in its continuation.

For the Next Storyteller

If you are reading this and feeling the tug of your own unnamed lineage—follow it. Ask your grandparents what songs they remember. Sit in the quiet. Let the land remind you of your origin.

Our myths were never meant to be locked in museums.
They are meant to breathe through us—through the next poem, the next painting, the next generation that refuses to forget.

The work is never about reclaiming what was lost.
It’s about remembering that it was never truly gone.

Writing From the Tremor: The Art of Surviving on the Page

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When Healing Becomes Art: Writing Through Mental Health

Before I ever wrote a word about healing, I was simply trying to survive.
The blank page was the only space where the noise quieted—where I could make sense of panic, obsession, grief, and that endless hum of almost okay. What began as journaling at the edge of exhaustion slowly became its own language. Somewhere between the chaos of thought and the order of sentences, I started to understand that writing wasn’t just an expression. It was survival.

The Alphabet of Almosts: Naming the Unnamable

In The Alphabet of Almosts, I began with a single rule: tell the truth, even if it trembles. Each chapter began as a letter—A for Admission, B for Breakthrough, C for Control—not because I had answers, but because I needed order when everything else felt unstructured. I was writing through paranoia, disorganization, and recovery. Through language, I found a map. Not out of illness, but deeper into self-compassion.

When readers write to say they saw themselves in those pages—not in the illness, but in the effort—I am reminded that we are all composing alphabets of survival, each in our own handwriting.

Dancing Without Music: The Sound of Staying

Later, in Dancing Without Music, I followed two teens—Mia and Milo—who fall in love in the middle of everything falling apart. Their seizures, eating disorders, and depression are not plot points. They’re part of the ecosystem of being alive, of trying to love while the mind betrays the body.

To write them honestly, I had to sit with discomfort—not romanticize it, not simplify it. Their story isn’t about illness being “overcome.” It’s about learning to dance anyway, to create rhythm in silence, to choose tomorrow again and again. Healing, I’ve learned, is not a straight line. It’s a pulse.

Some Species of Outsider-ness: The Art of Being Seen

With Some Species of Outsider-ness, I turned to adolescence—that fragile threshold where identity and illness often collide. Piper and Slater aren’t defined by bipolar disorder or Guillain-Barré Syndrome. They are artists, friends, detectives of their own souls.

Writing them reminded me that mental illness doesn’t erase humanity; it reframes it. Sometimes the most radical act is to let a character (or ourselves) be messy, brilliant, contradictory—to live beyond diagnosis and still belong to the story.

Why We Write About Pain

There’s a quiet fear that writing about mental health will label you forever: as fragile, unstable, confessional. But the truth is, these stories expand what we mean by human. To tell them with nuance, empathy, and artistic integrity is an act of resistance—against stigma, silence, and the myth that suffering must be hidden to be healed.

Art doesn’t fix us. But it listens when nothing else will.

The Work Beyond the Page

Healing is collaborative. It happens in therapy rooms, hospital corridors, family kitchens, and art studios. I’ve found it in the layered textures of mixed-media collage—the way torn paper, thread, and pigment remind me that wholeness is made of fragments. My visual art, like my writing, speaks the same truth: repair is not about erasing the seams. It’s about learning to love their pattern.

So when I write, I try to honor the body and the mind as storytellers in equal measure—both fallible, both sacred.

For Anyone Writing Through It

If you are writing through mental illness or recovery, know this: your story matters, even if it never becomes a book. You don’t have to be healed to make art. You only have to be honest. Write from the tremor, not despite it.
Make beauty from the static. And let your words remind someone—maybe even yourself—that being alive is still an art form.

“Whimsy and Bliss” by Angela Grey

 

Shady Oak Press (2025)
ISBN: 978-1961841468
Reviewed by Stephanie Elizabeth Long for Reader Views (09/2025)

Abigail Whimsy and Lainey Bliss have been best friends since the second grade. Like yin and yang, their opposites somehow fit together like errant puzzle pieces. Whimsy exists in a world of vibrant dreams and imagination, while Lainey is pragmatic and even-keeled, which anchors Abigail. Because nothing good can last forever, the girls have one final summer together before Lainey goes off to a fancy college, leaving Abigail behind.

Before Lainey leaves, Abigail has devised a plan. They will create a map (complete with a detailed legend) and explore all the mysteries of their town—dismantle the “thin” places, using her late grandmother’s journal (chaotic musings) as a guide.

As they delve deeper into the journey, Abigail’s reality becomes skewed, and Lainey’s attempts to keep her friend’s sanity in check become more difficult. The places they visit awaken a humming within Abigail, and the more they add to the map, the louder the hum becomes.

Whimsy and Bliss is a coming-of-age literary masterpiece. Angela Gray’s writing is known for its vivid imagery and deep metaphors, and this novel is no exception. Readers will quickly be immersed in Abigail’s world of wanderlust, where magic and realism become blurred. Beyond that, the character-driven story explores themes of friendship, self-discovery, and bridging the transition from childhood to young adulthood.

Sometimes it can be hard to decipher the difference between imagination and illness. The author has done an excellent job of illustrating Abigail’s unraveling—the whispering of nature, the ebb and flow of the hum, and the excitement turned obsession. With every place Abigail and Lainey traversed, I fell more in tune with Abigail’s frequency, at times questioning what was real and what was fictitious—this is the type of story that makes you see the world differently.

Whimsy and Bliss certainly highlights the plight of mental illness, particularly hypomania. Still, at its core, the novel’s overarching message is one of connection and trust—it’s the impenetrable sisterhood between two young women on the cusp of adulthood. In a world that is often stuck in the me-versus-you mentality, the solidarity between friends is refreshing, teaching us that we don’t have to suffer alone; we can lean on others for support.

For readers who love young adult books about friendship and adventure with a focus on mental health, this literary gem will appeal to you. Angela Gray’s exquisite prose is unmatched, and the multilayered characters are memorable. Abigail and Lainey’s map of thin places will forever hold a special place in my heart.

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Of Laughter & Heartbreak book trailer

This is the summer of locked doors, fragile rituals, and the ghosts that keep count.

I’m Stevie Matthews—almost sixteen, the kind of girl people whisper about. “Bat-shit crazy,” they say. Maybe they’re right. This summer, the order cracks. Obsessive thoughts tighten like barbed wire, rituals multiply, and the only way forward is a hospital stay I never asked for.

Behind those doors, I meet strangers who feel both broken and familiar, each carrying their own secret galaxies of fear and hope. Together, we make a kind of map—messy, jagged, stitched with laughter, unraveling with heartbreak.

This is the story of how I learn that friendship can be born from accident, that healing isn’t neat or pretty, and that sometimes the bravest thing is to stay.

This book is a tender, unflinching portrait of adolescence, OCD, and the fragile alchemy of survival—equal parts bruised and luminous, like a diary written in ink and ghost light.

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When Characters Refuse to Stay Secondary: The Day One Draft Split Into Three Lives

Some stories begin with a single spark. For me, it was a scene in a psych ward where Nico and Zibby from The Cartography of First Love found themselves alongside Abigail Whimsy from Whimsy and Bliss and Aspen James from Shadows We Carry. At first, they shared the same space—four voices pressed together by circumstance, four fragile hearts mapping escape routes in whispers. But as I wrote, each one began to grow beyond the walls I had built, demanding not just a role in a shared narrative but the full breath of their own.

What began as one writing endeavor quickly branched into three novels. I realized I loved each of them too much to let them be shadows in someone else’s story. Nico and Zibby’s romance needed its own compass. Whimsy’s dreamlike adventures deserved to unfurl before her diagnosis became part of her arc. And Aspen’s haunted sketches needed the weight of silence and discovery only their own narrative could hold. By giving them individual pages, I gave them the freedom to tell me who they really were.

The backstories I first drafted in that shared ward became scaffolding—notes, fragments, hints of a life I would later let bloom fully. For Whimsy and Aspen, I wrote them at a point before hospitalization, while their lives were still luminous with magic and not yet marked by diagnosis, though Whimsy’s epilogue eventually folds that thread in. It was the only way to honor their wonder as much as their struggle. For Nico and Zibby, I leaned into the familiar rhythms of the ward itself—the routines, the hush, and the clamor—because their love story was inseparable from that claustrophobic yet strangely tender landscape.

Each character is close to my heart because their beginnings trace back to my own. I was hospitalized repeatedly between the ages of 13 and 15 for an eating disorder. I remember the unlikely friendships, the long hours, and the way we mapped impossible escape plans—California always our imagined salvation. Those memories, both heartrending and inspiring, found new breath through Zibby, Nico, Whimsy, and Aspen. What started as one shared room became three worlds, each carrying a piece of that past and reshaping it into a story.