Category: delusional disorder

Are all nervous breakdowns psychotic?

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During my psychotic break, I was hallucinating visions and voices as well as deep in delusion. I was seeing a dead woman in my house as well as my deceased grandma and aunt. In addition, I thought I could walk through as well as see and hear through walls to my adjacent neighbors townhouse. Plus, I was deep in paranoia in thinking someone was following me wherever I went. In comparison, I’ve known friends and had relatives who had a nervous breakdown that wasn’t psychotic. Their break was like a really bad panic attack to the point of confusion and disorientation. They felt like they were having a heart attack but didn’t have hallucinations or weren’t delusional. I was prescribed anti-psychotics such as Seroquel while they were prescribed sedatives like Valium.  They recovered within a weeks time and were back to normal. I, on the other hand, have to remain on anti-psychotic and anti-depressant medications indefinitely. I’m not a doctor but I do think there was a difference between a psychotic break and a nervous breakdown. Someone that thinks they are experiencing either should seek help immediately to determine if it is a heart attack, nervous breakdown, or psychotic break!

Schizophrenia: a chemical imbalance in the brain

easier to build child than repair adult

I’m starting to get feedback on my latest book, Resilience throughout Recovery; A Memoir of my Journey through Mental Illness. What I’ve noticed most are the common misconceptions: that my schizophrenia was caused by a dysfunctional family life and that it is cultural in nature. However, both of those are wrong.

every social economic demographicMy onset of schizophrenia didn’t occur until long after I’d left home. I was twenty-six years old and just starting college when the hallucinations began. Yes, I did have a dysfunctional childhood and I had to get over that just like anybody else that experienced similar. That did not cause my schizophrenia. And while my Native American uncle is both my Christian godfather and a medicine man, those cultural beginnings did not cause my schizophrenia. That misconception delayed my diagnosis for years. My immediate family thought that my hallucinating my deceased grandmother and aunt was part of my Native American culture. It was not. Schizophrenia is caused by an imbalance in the chemistry of the brain. Genetics may play a role but culture definitely does not.

Grandiose Symptoms

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At the height of my break from reality, I believed I could see, hear, and walk through walls. In one instance I thought I saw my neighbor kill herself in the adjacent townhome. When we found out that she actually did follow through with the suicide, I thought I had proof of my abilities. Little did I know it was just a chemical imbalance in the brain. It all seemed so real. For that I’m grateful to my Higher Power for helping me when I was drowning in delusion. I believe that I was helped to safety by a greater force which sent me down the route of medication, exercise, therapies, and group work.

Psychosis

Schizophrenia symbol conceptual design

My psychotic break or nervous breakdown occurred over a six month period. Initially, there were confusing voices and overwhelming smells but that progressed into debilitating paranoia, delusion, and non-stop hallucinations. I refused medication because I thought it would cloud thought processes which were relaying danger, danger, danger…. I was worried that my family and I wouldn’t be safe if I took the medication. I thought the dead woman that lives inside our home would cause us harm. Plus I was concerned that it (meds) would control my thoughts and take over our wellbeing so that we couldn’t deal with the watchers. In reality, it was all unreal. In the emergency room, I was forced to take Seroquel which knocked me out. It was in the moments upon awakening that I realized all the voices, visions, smells, and sounds STOPPED. It was quiet for the first time in a long while. Fortunately, for me, family members made certain that I stayed on the medication regimen. Yes, it has gone through changes where I’ve had to switch meds but all in all the majority of the hallucinations and delusions have stayed away. Stressors still bring on bouts but for the most part the drug therapy helps. At first, I kept in mind that I could always stop the meds and bring back the positive hallucinations; but I now know the bad will come along with the good. While I miss the visions of my deceased grandma and aunt, I don’t miss the bad spirits.

Managing Schizophrenia with Atypical Anti-psychotics

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Abilify vs. Seroquel: for me it’s a toss up. While Abilify controls hallucinations, delusions, and paranoia, it doesn’t work as well during stressful experiences. Seroquel does work during chaotic times, however, the downside is that I have extremely negative side effects with the Seroquel, such as agitation and anger. I’m not talking rage but more disorderly conduct like getting kicked out of the library because I had a fit when my books on hold were misplaced. The bad side effects from Abilify for me are akathisia (restlessness) and tremors (hands shaking). Quetiapine (Seroquel) also sparked weight gain for me which the aripiprazole (Abilify) does not. All in all, I prefer the Abilify because it doesn’t cause cognitive issues in me the way the Seroquel did. That being said, I keep Seroquel around to subdue myself during the worst of moments. Both drugs side effects bring about social withdrawal because I don’t want outsiders to see the tremors or anger. On the horizon, my psychiatrist says there is Latuda, should things turn downward with my current regimen of Abilify, Gabapentin, Zoloft, and Wellbutrin. He holds out great hope for that one…and it’s nice to know there is always hope.

Resilience throughout Recovery: A Memoir of My Journey through Mental Illness by Angela Grey

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Distraction can be a good thing up until the point of denial. Regarding my delusional disorder, I figured that if I wrote it off as something else (social anxiety, PTSD, or chronic depression) then I’d be more normal. Plus, my denial protected my immediate family (custody of children); but at what cost. My partition delusion and both auditory and visual hallucinations weren’t simply the result of past abuse or cultural idiosyncrasies: misconceptions by my immediate family which delayed the diagnosis for years. However, I appreciate that time I had with some of my hallucinations for they comforted me in ways that I will try to relay. In the end, it was cognition, memory, and confusion problems which led to psychosis that took me down and brought me to the emergency room, where we sat riverside trying to figure out where it all began and what was or wasn’t a cause.