Author: Angela Ellen Grey

Angela Grey is an Indigenous novelist, poet, and painter whose work explores the intersections of memory, identity, and healing. She, formerly an architectural drafter, studied creative writing, as well as spirituality and healing, at the University of Minnesota, where she deepened her commitment to storytelling as both an art and a form of medicine. Alongside her writing, Angela finds balance in yoga and Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR), which shape the reflective quality of her work. She lives in Eden Prairie, Minnesota, with her husband, one spirited pup, and four cats. When she’s not writing, she enjoys camping, budget travel to places like Maine, Oregon, and the coastal Carolinas, and gathering with family around a BBQ grill.

Schizophrenia: a chemical imbalance in the brain

easier to build child than repair adult

I’m starting to get feedback on my latest book, Resilience throughout Recovery; A Memoir of my Journey through Mental Illness. What I’ve noticed most are the common misconceptions: that my schizophrenia was caused by a dysfunctional family life and that it is cultural in nature. However, both of those are wrong.

every social economic demographicMy onset of schizophrenia didn’t occur until long after I’d left home. I was twenty-six years old and just starting college when the hallucinations began. Yes, I did have a dysfunctional childhood and I had to get over that just like anybody else that experienced similar. That did not cause my schizophrenia. And while my Native American uncle is both my Christian godfather and a medicine man, those cultural beginnings did not cause my schizophrenia. That misconception delayed my diagnosis for years. My immediate family thought that my hallucinating my deceased grandmother and aunt was part of my Native American culture. It was not. Schizophrenia is caused by an imbalance in the chemistry of the brain. Genetics may play a role but culture definitely does not.

Social Isolation

letgoorbedragged

Avoiding others is something that I have to constantly work at because of things like side effects and memories of bad experiences such as hearing voices in the phone and not being able to discern what was real and what was not. It became difficult to have a conversation when so many voices were going off as well as distractions from visions. My thoughts would also become jumbled during conversations due to added anxiety. That is why I need to work my hardest at staying connected to others and put aside the fear of meeting strangers in a new energy healing class, qigong seminar or self-compassion/psychological wellbeing lecture that I’m interested in…and just go with the flow.

Grandiose Symptoms

drowning help

At the height of my break from reality, I believed I could see, hear, and walk through walls. In one instance I thought I saw my neighbor kill herself in the adjacent townhome. When we found out that she actually did follow through with the suicide, I thought I had proof of my abilities. Little did I know it was just a chemical imbalance in the brain. It all seemed so real. For that I’m grateful to my Higher Power for helping me when I was drowning in delusion. I believe that I was helped to safety by a greater force which sent me down the route of medication, exercise, therapies, and group work.

Psychosis

Schizophrenia symbol conceptual design

My psychotic break or nervous breakdown occurred over a six month period. Initially, there were confusing voices and overwhelming smells but that progressed into debilitating paranoia, delusion, and non-stop hallucinations. I refused medication because I thought it would cloud thought processes which were relaying danger, danger, danger…. I was worried that my family and I wouldn’t be safe if I took the medication. I thought the dead woman that lives inside our home would cause us harm. Plus I was concerned that it (meds) would control my thoughts and take over our wellbeing so that we couldn’t deal with the watchers. In reality, it was all unreal. In the emergency room, I was forced to take Seroquel which knocked me out. It was in the moments upon awakening that I realized all the voices, visions, smells, and sounds STOPPED. It was quiet for the first time in a long while. Fortunately, for me, family members made certain that I stayed on the medication regimen. Yes, it has gone through changes where I’ve had to switch meds but all in all the majority of the hallucinations and delusions have stayed away. Stressors still bring on bouts but for the most part the drug therapy helps. At first, I kept in mind that I could always stop the meds and bring back the positive hallucinations; but I now know the bad will come along with the good. While I miss the visions of my deceased grandma and aunt, I don’t miss the bad spirits.

Group Meditation

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Prior to needing meditation, I never realized how many opportunities exist if you only look for them. From community college continuing education, to college walk-in silent group sessions, to the mental health non-profit opportunity I took part in today. I’ve found that meditation is necessary with my schizophrenia because it helps to control the restlessness and tremors when I relax and intentionally forces the stress out of mind and body. For me, not only is medication necessary but I don’t know where I’d be without silent group work.

Overcoming Schizophrenia

Mind-Body-Spirit

Spiritual networking, movement exercises, and peer group work are some of ways that I’m handling my schizophrenia diagnosis. In addition to spirituality and resilience group therapy, and as well as qigong and yoga, I’ve also signed up for the following classes:

The Art of Centering

Beyond Aromatherapy

Nutrition and Cancer

Crystal Singing Bowl Sound Bath

Integrative Wellness

WarmFeet Intervention

Writing from the Body

Soul Journeying and Drum Circle

The nutrition classes aren’t just for me but my family as well. My daughter was diagnosed with MALT lymphoma a few years back and is undergoing immunotherapy maintenance (Rituximab). Centering and Journeying are more spiritual in nature and WarmFeet is because I am pre-diabetic. The sound and aromatherapy is simply peaceful and relaxing while the writing is therapeutic and helps with cognitive setbacks.  I’m often socially withdrawn because of my schizophrenia and medication side effects so these classes keep me communicating with others. The others in the groups all experience different illnesses or are caregivers to someone so it helps to know how others cope with unfortunate illness or life’s setbacks.

LibraryThing Member Giveaway: Get Free Books

I have put up twenty free copies of Resilience throughout Recovery: A Memoir of My Journey through Mental Illness. It is for LibraryThing members that are randomly selected at the end of the month. So there is still time to put in a request. Hurry up as it ends soon!

Managing Schizophrenia with Atypical Anti-psychotics

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Abilify vs. Seroquel: for me it’s a toss up. While Abilify controls hallucinations, delusions, and paranoia, it doesn’t work as well during stressful experiences. Seroquel does work during chaotic times, however, the downside is that I have extremely negative side effects with the Seroquel, such as agitation and anger. I’m not talking rage but more disorderly conduct like getting kicked out of the library because I had a fit when my books on hold were misplaced. The bad side effects from Abilify for me are akathisia (restlessness) and tremors (hands shaking). Quetiapine (Seroquel) also sparked weight gain for me which the aripiprazole (Abilify) does not. All in all, I prefer the Abilify because it doesn’t cause cognitive issues in me the way the Seroquel did. That being said, I keep Seroquel around to subdue myself during the worst of moments. Both drugs side effects bring about social withdrawal because I don’t want outsiders to see the tremors or anger. On the horizon, my psychiatrist says there is Latuda, should things turn downward with my current regimen of Abilify, Gabapentin, Zoloft, and Wellbutrin. He holds out great hope for that one…and it’s nice to know there is always hope.