Author: Angela Ellen Grey

Angela Grey is an Indigenous novelist, poet, and painter whose work explores the intersections of memory, identity, and healing. She, formerly an architectural drafter, studied creative writing, as well as spirituality and healing, at the University of Minnesota, where she deepened her commitment to storytelling as both an art and a form of medicine. Alongside her writing, Angela finds balance in yoga and Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR), which shape the reflective quality of her work. She lives in Eden Prairie, Minnesota, with her husband, one spirited pup, and four cats. When she’s not writing, she enjoys camping, budget travel to places like Maine, Oregon, and the coastal Carolinas, and gathering with family around a BBQ grill.

Psychosocial Treatment

angelagreyI’ve been receiving psychotherapy since I was twelve plus in and out of group therapy from the age of fifteen. So why is it now that I’m being prompted to add other psychosocial treatments to the mix. I know the response: to improve socialization. However, doesn’t class work count towards psychosocial therapy?

Psychosocial treatments include cognitive behavioral therapy (changing negative thought patterns), family education, occupational therapy, group and family psychotherapy, and cognitive remediation. They are thought to help lessen schizophrenia symptoms, learn new skills, help in coping with the illness, prevent relapse, and achieve a connection with others.I already learn new skills from all the classes that I take. Regarding the compensatory learning strategies, I think the classes I’m in also aid in memory, planning, organizing, and concentration.  I think this blogging helps, too. It allows me an outlet to journal experiences each day. In that way, it will aid in preventing relapse by getting feedback from my family members in order to stay focused on being mentally healthy.

Relaxation

stress relax chalkboardI really dislike people telling me that if I relaxed more then I’d be more likely to be in remission from my schizophrenia symptoms. They are referring to my constant movement; I have a difficult time sitting still. Perhaps, I’d relax more if others would stop hounding me to sit down. This makes me think of stress and relaxation as it pertains to my disorder.

Stress for me includes: others shouting at one another, not enough spatial distancing, pointing, being overly critical, challenging or distracting me. I show stress by being irritable, angry, sad, fatigued, lost interest, physical problems (aches and pains), or changed sleeping and eating patterns which can may bring about symptoms of schizophrenia. Ways that would help a person like me with schizophrenia would include:setting boundaries, priorities, and limits and others adhering to those as well. Other helpful things are mindfulness sessions, physical exercise, routines, hobbies, laughter, and less anxiety and negative tone in others. An easy way to get me riled up is if you come at me with a stressed tone; it doesn’t matter if it doesn’t have anything to do with me…as I will think it does.

Should I get a dog?

westhighlandterriersMy psychiatrist and family members all think that I should get a dog for companionship. They say it will calm me and give me something to focus on since the energy has changed in the house with the last of my kids moving out and off to college. I have the time and energy to care for one but I’m just not certain if I’m ready yet. They all think that this is just an excuse. My cat probably would enjoy having a dog around for companionship. She is the type of cat that likes to do her own thing and doesn’t care for anything more than to be petted several times daily; she doesn’t like to be picked up or held.

So is our house ready for another animal? Am I just finding excuses? Do I think they’re all just dwelling on my schizophrenia and my needing a variety of things to focus on so I don’t get too lost in my own head? Would it help my illness to have more movement in the house? Aside from all that, I think that I would truly love another pet. I’d like to have a reason to go for walks three times a day (get more exercise) and I do enjoy the outdoors. However, I’m not certain as to if I’d like being outside in negative degree weather come January here in Minnesota. Hmm…this takes more thinking and I’m not yet ready to commit myself to it quite yet.

Fire Ritual for Healing

fire ritualThis class was a circle of healing using the fire element in the form of flame and ash as our focal point of intention. Our goal was to destroy that which no longer serves us, such as negative memories, and allow it to be transformed into new beginnings.It is a purification ceremony. Each person in the group was helped to form clear intent before we started. My goal was to burn the old in order to make way for the new. Others wanted to go inwards to use their DNA to connect with their ancestors, release negative energy, leave old habits behind, learning to forgive, or let go fears or limitations and grieve losses to free up space and resource of mind and body. Those connecting with their ancestors first grieved the loss of their loved one then called upon them for guiding spirit. It was to banish mental burdens in the flame and make way for balance and harmony to be created from the ashes.

We used stones, water, and nature as well to connect with our intrinsic purpose and to move ahead with purpose in being a creative participant in life as a whole. The last part of the session was in the back garden where we embraced all that grows and transforms such as plants, trees, and flowers. Our goal in the back garden was to face our fears, especially of the unknown, which for most of us involved chronic illness (mental or physical). It put us all on the same level as we shed our masking personas that we took in to the class. We ended at the water feature which symbolically cleansed us from toxicity and mental debris and restored and renewed our purified being.

Courageous Writers Circle

courageouswriterscircle

In this class, we first set up our sacred space. Next we received our model cue for the day. Then as we wrote the instructor guided us through relaxation prompts to allow our creativity to come forth. Afterwards came the opportunity to share which promoted recognition of our efforts, connection with others, and understanding of different circumstances which were in our stories. Both speaker and listener interacted, even if the listener never spoke. It was truly enriching to hear about the lives of others in what they wanted to share in this courageous writers circle.

My Phases of Schizophrenia

phasesDuring my acute phase, my family practice doctor sent me to the emergency room which resulted in a diagnosis of psychosis and schizophrenia. My general practitioner thought that I was in danger of harming myself or my family. I couldn’t control my own behavior, primarily my emotions, and I had limited functioning. Fortunately for me, my family was a strong support structure. In addition to the treatment, I also had a strong connection with my community aftercare team; they called twice daily to make certain that the anti-psychotics were working well.

Now that I’m in my stabilization phase, I’ve returned to the community and work (architectural drafter). I’m an avid reader and perpetual student; there is always something that I want to learn or try. I’m not a real risk taker though, so there are still obstacles in my way. I continue on my path to symptom reduction and have every intent of remission and even more improved functioning, particularly socially.

The WarmFeet Intervention class

warmfeetThis is a circulation meditation for those that need to increase blood flow to the feet, hands, and skin for a variety of reasons such as diabetes, ulcers, or simply soreness.   After introductions, we were guided first through conscious muscle relaxation (widening of the peripheral capillary blood vessels), being mindful of our breathing, through prompts by the instructor. For those that wanted to massage foot muscles, that was allowed. Once in a relaxed state, she had us visualize our hands and feet becoming warmer. We used temperature biofeedback (taking temperatures before and after) to learn this specific skill that aims to solicit the relaxation response and use targeted mental imaging, thereby improving circulation to the extremities by blood vessels opening up and allowing more oxygen to pass. For some people pain, soreness, and ulcers may decrease. It was very beneficial in reducing my stress and teaching me ways to heal myself by nourishing the tissues in my extremities, particularly my feet. This first session took forty-five minutes but with practice, it was said, that we can get it down to a fifteen minute relaxation technique.

Positive vs. Negative Symptoms for Me

strengthThe positive symptoms (in addition to reality) of schizophrenia are: hallucinations (see and hear things), delusions (false beliefs that defy reasoning), paranoia, disorganized thinking,and grandiosity (believing that I have supernatural powers),

And the negative symptoms (lacking from normally considered behavior) are: lack of emotion, slow speaking, poor hygiene, impaired memory, poor concentration or decision making skills, limited social functioning, lacking motivation, and inability to experience enjoyment in things I once found pleasurable.

I’ve highlighted the ones that I experienced. In addition to those, I experienced sleeplessness, OCD, depression, and high anxiety. All of my symptoms have been treatable. I do still experience hallucinations when the stresses in my life are too great. Things haven’t gotten easier for me; instead, with the aid of medication, psychotherapy and my support structure, I’ve learned what is and isn’t real. I can control my emotions but I still have trouble relating to other people because I fear that my symptoms may arise in their presence. But the key is that I am in control and feel empowered.

Contrary to myths, as a person with schizophrenia, I don’t have developmental disabilities, violent tendencies, or a split personality. Not being in contact with my birth family, I don’t if genetic susceptibility or environmental factors (nature or nurture) played a role. I was diagnosed with PTSD years back due to physical and emotional trauma as a child; but I believe those are irrelevant at this point in my life as I’ve gotten over and forgiven all responsible. I truly hope they are as happy as they can be in their own part of this world.

At this point, the medication works but isn’t without side effects. The worst of all is the tremors. However, restlessness comes in a close second. All in all, I prognosticate that I will be in full remission (symptom free), with the aid of medication, within six months time.