Book review: Let Go of The Guilty by Valorie Burton

Stop Beating Yourself Up and Take Back Your Joy

In this wonderful self-help book the author starts out with the three truths about guilt which are guilt as a message, guilt as a debt, and guilt as an opportunity.

So, what do we feel guilty about?

1. exercise habits
2. past choices
3. eating habits
4. money habits
5. spiritual habits
6. not practicing more self-care
7. not being more productive
8. parenting
9. not living up to expectations
10. work

What are the thought patterns of guilt?

• I did something wrong.
• I believe I caused harm to someone or something.
• I didn’t do enough.
• I have more than someone else.
• I didn’t do something, but I wanted to.

So, how do we start to rid ourselves of guilt?

• Pinpoint our guilt trigger.
• Examine our thoughts.
• Exchange the lie for the truth.
• List our evidence.

However, not all guilt is false. Sometimes, we are simply wrong and the only way to release authentic guilt is to have enough humility, courage, and integrity to confront it.

So, how do we stop setting ourselves up for guilt and begin to set ourselves up for happiness? We get rid of vague, outdated, unbalanced, and perfectionistic expectations, to make way for communicating new expectations. Then the author says to deactivate the button that manipulators like to push even though it may come from someone you care about, you fear the repercussions, or you actually agree with the accusation because guilt attracts guilt trippers, guilty people guilt people, and you fear having the hard conversations.

So, how do we take back our joy?

• notice that our joy is missing
• accept the past
• embrace humility
• forgive yourself
• articulate our lessons
• spend time with people who make us feel good, not guilty
• do stuff that makes us feel guilt-free and happy
• study the happiness triggers (anticipation, gratitude, connection, service, purpose, movement, play, winning words, financial savvy, smiling, relaxation, flow, and savoring)

I found it to be a very thorough, accurate, and informative self-help book. To read it in its entirety buy it here.