Memoir Writing for Mental Health (Details—Part One)

According to memoirist, Jack Gantos, “Don’t be that writer who waits all day for the perfect first sentence,” he advises, “or you will grow old while learning to hate yourself and writing.”

Writing a memoir helps us understand who we are, where we come from and where we are going. It creates a legacy. It strengthens the bond with your family down through the generations. It’s a way to leave a memory of us for our loved ones. Anyone can capture their family’s pivotal moments, favorite vacations, family get-togethers, family history delineating individual members and experiences, and conduct solid research to produce a compelling book re-creating your past and that of your loved ones.

Rich, funny, and moving personal narratives depend on a few key moments in time, experiences, lessons learned, failures, triumphs, poignant memories, little snippets of action or humor to anchor the story and give it impact. Is it coming of age, maybe confessional, or even spiritual? Writing a memoir can also suit to reconcile your past’s painful moments and allow your personal growth to create new goals.

As I wrote in the previous post, you first need to determine what aspect of your life you want to write about such as childhood, teen years, young adult and so on. But chronological writing may come across as boring or read like a record of your family’s genealogy. Instead, you want to capture the spirit of moments that surprise or make you cry. Let’s get down to the basics:

Who is this book for? Is it a gift of your milestones for your descendants to treasure? Is it simply for your eyes only to put pains on paper to release them from the mental hold they have on you? Is it to understand life in hindsight? Sorting out timelines and events may unwrap the jumble of memories that our lives entail and allow us clarity and purpose. We need to find your “them” who you’ll be writing to in order to amplify the basics. Sight, sound, touch, taste, and smell: recall experiences through all your senses. Delve into the confidants, support structure, or acquaintances of the past. Why did they come into your life? And what did they teach you?

Stay true and reminisce. Listen to music from that era in order to get the writerly juices flowing. Write what happened and how you perceived it. Heal yourself. But also question yourself: how much truth should you and do you want to tell? Every painful moment in life is a story waiting to be told but do you want to do that? It goes back to who this book is for and what is the intent.

How many secrets can be exposed? Again, who will see it? There are also legal ramifications here like libel or defamation, should you decide to send it out into the public. What if the truth is not as you remember it? Whose account do you reveal? Look for conflict to find your story. Write freely, with humor, and often. What reactions do you want to stoke in your readers? Focus on humility, tolerance, and wisdom. Believe in what you are doing. Sometimes no one else will but you need to persevere. Spilling secrets may have repercussions. For example, will you be revealing past abuse, an affair, a teen pregnancy and subsequent adoption that your kids know nothing about, or alcoholism in the family. Be mindful of the words you choose to use. Avoid sarcasm and hyperbole; instead use irony and humor. Keep your attitude and tone in check. As you end your memoir, maybe look at your spiritual side, or look towards the next chapter in your life.

If you’re looking for solid memoir writing manuals, I strongly suggest you first read Stephen King’s book, On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft. It is insightful and humorous. Then, perhaps Mary Karr’s, The Art of Memoir is a good second suggestion. If your goal is travel writing in your memoir, Lavinia Spalding’s Writing Away: A Creative Guide to Awakening the Journal-writing Traveler, is a good choice and offers tips for writing in general. Lastly, I’d suggest reading Why We Write About Ourselves: Twenty Memoirists on Why They Expose Themselves (and Others) in the Name of Literature.

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